When it rains...... it POURS!!!!.......

As though falling off my horse saturday (which resulted in a lot of bruises, the inability to move my neck, and a minor concussion) wasnt enough, Sunday came and created a whole new disaster story to tell.... and here we go....

So Sunday morning I wake up, barely able to move any part of my body.... when my mother decided that it would be a great day to go pick out a christmas tree and bring it home.... (mind you, im totally useless because of the pain im in.....) So we go pick up our christmas tree, bring it home, I do my best to help get our endless amounts of Christmas decorations out of hiding, and decide that hanging christmas lights on my house would be the least hazardous project for me to take on since I have a very low hanging roof and its really easy to hook the lights on the nails from last year....Oh boy! was I wrong!!

As usual, one of the strands of lights didnt work so I decided to make my best attempt to fix it.... unable to get the bulb off the string, I decide to use my mouth to losen the little bastard..... completely forgetting the lights were still PLUGGED IN!!!!....... so yeah... needless to say, after being totally electrocuted I threw out the string of lights and carried on with a burning copper taste still in my mouth..... can we say MORON????!!! Oh..... thats not all.....

So we bring the tree in the house, and realize its too tall for my living room and instead of taking the heavy tree (which I couldnt lift) outside, I decide to just saw off about 3 inches of the trunk right there in my living room....... Long story short.... I forgot I moved the marble coffee table to the corner behind where I was sawing, and when I finally managed to get through the trunk I threw my entire body back to crash on the floor from being in soo much pain and having just sawed off the end of the tree, and well...... slammed my head into the marble table, cracking it open and creating a bloddy mess EVERYWHERE!!! (and quite a nice goose egg!!!)

You know how some people are just accident prone????? yeah... well..... I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!!!......

( but on the plus side..... I did see quite a few stars this weekend!!!)

Then I hit dirt.......

So falls off horses hurt a hell of a lot more now then they ever used to...... or maybe its cuz I landed on a pole and took out a standard on the way??.... well whatever the case may be, I HURT a lot... It hurts to swallow cuz of the whiplash in the front of my neck.... my arms cannot be raised above my chest level, it hurts to lift anything, my back hurts in more places than I knew possible, and my butt..... oh lets not even go there... there are more shades of purple down there, than I knew existed!!!..... Oh and my slight concussion isnt helping anything out either, I freaked out the Dutchess and Coach..... and even Tucker seemed a bit worried when I spoke of the fact that I dont remember about a 2 hour chunk of my morning...... so ummmmm yeah..... FUN DAY!!... not to mention the 8hour shift I just worked... IN PAIN.......

Perhaps moving into a padded room like the one below to avoid hurting myself isnt a half bad idea...... ????

As my hatred deepens.....

A diamond ring, a diamond necklace, a diamond bracelet, and two pair of gold and diamond earrings...OH! and dinner at the Culinary.. all for ONE Birthday!! (All from someone who is STILL married to his WIFE!!!!!) Can we say DOUCHEBAG????... Oh, and yeah.... way to make anything I buy look like total garbage!!! and now.... I HATE YOU EVEN MORE!!!!!

Literally, a SHITTY day......

So I couldn't resist blogging about my shitty day...... and when I say shitty..... I mean SHITTY!!!! Well Monday after I was leaving work I noticed that my car was covered in bird shit.... Now I wasn't sure if the shit came from my house? or the parking lot at work?....... Well needless to say, I came home and washed all 24 bird shits off my car that night...... My car remained clean for a whole 24 hours! until I went to work today... (Wednesday) and came out to just my HOOD and WINDSHIELD coverd in 37 poops!!!!!!!! I know what you are all thinking..... NO FREAKIN WAY!!!!! But I am soooo serious, and made my mother go look at it just so I had some proof!.....

Anyways..... as though the 37 bird turds on my windshield and hood wasnt enough, there were 12 freakin more on my sunroof!!!!!!!! WHAT THE F*&K??????? How is that even possible????? 49 bird shits on my car in a span of 8hours!!!! Now I'm not sure exactly how this all happens, because when I park at work, I don't park under a tree, nore do I park in the middle of a freakin bird sanctuary...... so where the hell is it all coming from???? And how the hell is it possible for a group of birds to make that much SHIT????? And dude...... can we just discuss the array of colors I had?.... I had purple shit, blue shit, green shit, yellow shit, a few little black shits, and like 15 white blob shits...... GROSS!!!!!

So now that you all have a visual of my clown colored Jeep.... Which is clown colored no more, due to it taking its SECOND bath in the last 3 days!!! I will leave you all with that..... and PS- If there are any birds out there reading this......... F*CKing LAY OFF THE LAXATIVES!!!!!!

Swinging good time!......

So today was pretty much the SHITTIEST day of my life...... not only was it black Friday... and I work in retail.... but I came home to the biggest hell of my life..... my family.... Good news though, throughout all the hell I have been dealing with lately, my sister and I have become somewhat close (which is insane since we have HATED each other our entire lives) Anyways, the closeness between my sister and I has been brought on by the fact that my mother has gone completely insane, and tonight was the proof that I was NOT overreacting!!!

So after having a complete and utter breakdown, completely losing all self control, and crying like I was some little kid who fell off the playground swing, I had to get out of the house..... so what did I do???? No..... Not go out drinking.... oh no...... I went playing on a sex swing instead!!!!!..... yeah! I did say SEX SWING!!..... I went out with pixy and the dutchess to dutchesses gay love interests house (Bear) and took notice (due to everyones staring at the ceiling) of two pretty heavy duty hooks on the ceiling...... So dirty mind Flick states that those hooks would be perfect for a sex swing!!! Well...... guess what???? That is EXACTLY what they were for...... soooooooo to make a long story short.... the sex swing was brought out.... along with a fairly large dildo and some crazy videos were taken......... (NO! I was not naked... thank God!!) But it was hilarious.... so much in fact that I ended up falling out the bottom with my feet stuck in the foot straps...... yeah..... CLASSY!!! I know........lol

The conclusion of the night was the four of us all heading over to Birminghams house to visit with Noelle..... and with us upstairs feeling like total outcasts for not being "kewl" enough to chill with the brainiacs downstairs playing Taboo!! ...... lol..... Oh well..... instead, we all bonded by poking fun at Bear for leaning more towards the "not so straight" side of the heterosexual line....fun times!!!.

Anyways..... so the night ended up much better than it began.... I actually smiled!! ;-) and now have a wonderful blog to post about it all.....

The holidays SUCK.......

Okay..... so just because Barnes and Noble offers FREE gift wrap all year long.... DOESN'T mean its okay for you to come in on a BUSY Friday night with two days worth of purchases to have US giftwrap them for YOU!!! Fucking JERKS!!!!! I swear some people are only alive cuz its illegal to shoot them!!!! (but since I've never really been one for following the rules or doing shit thats legal.....Shooting them isn't completely out of the question now is it?? )

Tis the F*CKING season!!!!

The playa and his Whore....

One day there was this Playa.... and there was this whore..... Oh and then there was Flick..... anyways..... One day flick catches the playa and his whore sucking face in the parking lot..... So flick confronts the playa about his whorish ways... and the playa plays it off like it was nothing..... Well flick isnt dumb.. no no... not at all..... Flick remembers that she has all the players passwords to get on his myspace page.... So flick and the dutchess decide to check things out a little..... and OH! what a shocker!!! The Playa is a fucking LIAR and well the whore..... is even more of a whore than we originally thought (which pretty much makes her a walking STD at this point)

Well to make a long story short..... The Dutchess and Flick had a wonderful afternoon full of vomiting all over themselves due to the emails they read between the playa and the whore... emails consisting of conversations about pussies and throbing cocks being inside one another and so on..... and OH! not to be overlooked.... the conversation the whore had with her mother because she heard all the happenings from the night before because the playa is soooooo fucking classy and did it with a 20 year old in her fucking parents house!!! (btw. the playa is 30) And apparently the Whore couldnt keep it down due to all the FAKING she had to pull off with the player due to his TINI-WEENIE!!! (I will not go into details about how Flick knows this.... but lets just leave it at that..... there HAD to be faking going on there!! A LOT of it!!!)

Well the moral of this story is....... DONT LIE TO FLICK!!! I am not stupid, and DO NOT underestimate my stalking abilites.... if I need to find something out, I WILL!!!! And when I call her a whore! Dont go all grumpy on my ass cuz you know damn well that I AM RIGHT!!!!

THE END ;-)

Aguh-bye.........

Oh the kickball season has come to an end..... and after a long night of kickball fun, flipcup fun, drinking fun, and discussions of wardrobe fun, this season has come to an end..... The famous tucker now knows that tucking in of your shirt is NOT OKAY!!! (I really hope youre reading this... this is my ode to you TUCKER!! ;-) ) Anderson school hopefully knows that they are officially HATED even more now....(though we are not sore losers... We just all agree that the winners (though it is STILL us) deserve more credit then we have been getting.... ) I have learned that my catching skills will only be utilized when a ball actually makes it to the outfield, which is apparently no so "kewl" anymore...... I learned that boys still cannot listen, or maybe they chose not to?... When I say "DONT BUNT!!!"....Dude... DON'T FUCKING BUNT DAMNIT!!!! and when the rest of the team is yelling...... "kick it as hard as you can!!!" by golly.... you better be kicking that ball like you were kicking that bitch who broke your damn heart!!! And when kickball comes to an end on its final night.... You better be making the most of it.... ;-)

I met soooo many great people playing this game of kickball fun.... the World Adult Kickball Association was like one on the best ideas EVER!!! I mean where the hell else can you kick balls all night, drink like its going out of style, and hang out with the best bunch of people in the world??.... thats right... you guessed it..... KICKBALL!!!! Oh.... you will be missed....... Until next time..... may the force be with you all!!! see everyone at trivia...... (doesnt quite have the same ring....... sorry.......)

Femi-nazi moment......

Guy's are all assholes...... or at least all of the ones I have currently been dealing with..... They are misinformed about EVERYTHING in life, and still feel the need to open their F&*King mouths and spill their verbal diarrhea in the form of half ass sentences onto you, as though you gave a shit!! Well guess what???....... I DONT!!

I dont care that some girl at the bar didn't give you her phone number, I don't care that you haven't gotten laid in god knows how long, and I dont care that you feel lonely.... (JOIN THE F*&KING CLUB!!!!) Don't whine to be about being "confused" Don't give me your sob story about how your past was fucked up and thats just made things difficult!!!!! Cuz Honey! If I even began to tell you about my fucking past, you would shoot yourself before the story was over!!!!!

Now I don't mean to come off as a total bitch, but the fact of the matter is.... I AM!!! People don't make it through life because they live each day feeling sorry for themselves, or because they dwell on the past.... People make it through life cuz they fucking LIVE it for all that its worth!!!..... They don't sit there and try for things that arent possible (ie. the hot girl at the bar when you are Quasi-fucking-moto with cross eyes!!) I'm sorry if this is harsh, but it needs to get the hell outta my system, and people need to start being REALISTIC here!!!.......

Now Quasimoto isnt the only one on my shit list at the moment...... No.... there are others.... most of whome have a penis in their pants..... I have the malnurished-little-twirp who I work with who thinks that just because he is parading around his new little girlfriend with the 6year old kid, I am somehow jealous??.... HAHA.... Boy.. you have a lot to learn about the word "jealousy"..... It's not possible for me to be jealous of that.... or jealous of anything having to do with YOU because I DUMPED YOU!!!!!!! Let's not forget that!!!

Moving on.... there is also my old "trainer" I call him that because he took me under his wing and trained me JKD for a while, taught me a lot about fighting, a lot about self discipline, and a lot about life, then turned into the weakest person I have even known!!! You dissapoint me.... and I want you to know that......

Now I could go on for hours about this... about how weak the male species has become.. but quite frankly... it's not worth anymore of my time..... From now on... If you have a penis... Try not to think with it.... actually.... if it helps you become more of what your not, start using it.... I don't want to hear anymore about your problems, your false information, or thoughts as to why you are gods gift to women!!... (cuz sweetie, if your single, and even I wouldnt fuck you, you are NOT god's gift to women!!.... sorry......)

I will leave you all there...... with a to be continued... Because I have a feeling.... this isn't over.....

Oh Halloween.....and the things you make me do!

Okay... so last night was yet another fun filled evening with the ladies and some others!! We went to a Halloween party thrown by Bear at Rollermagic!! yeah yeah... I know what your thinking.... LAME!!! But no!! You are wrong.... Last night was off the hook yo! lol (guess some of the Hyde Park Ghetto rubbed off on me....) Anywho... so about an hour before I head out the door, it dawns on me that I have quite possibly the BEST costume EVER to wear.... Probably the sluttiest thing you have ever seen!! I was only wearing a THONG! (oh! and about a 200lb fat suit!!!) ((SEE PICTURE BELOW))

Yea! CHECK OUT THOSE TITIES!!! just sayin..... anyways, I didnt win sexiest costume, and neither did the Dutchess who was looking mighty HOT, or Noelle who pulled off a full body, form fitting, black pleather matrix style ensemble which I wouldn't have even made an attempt to stuff an arm into, let alone my entire body!! (Kudos go to you girl! You looked Great!!) Well in the end. the fat kid suit was removed due to it being the fucking HOTTEST costume ever made, and it being..... well....... not so sexy.......lol But all in all... yet another fabulous time was had by all, and despite gaining an extra hour of sleep last night, I still managed to only get about 2hours all morning, after going to bed around 6:30 this morning as the sun was coming up.... Go me!!....... Happy Halloween!!! :-)

Dear, The Beer God's.....

Okay..... so I just need to destress really quick, and I figured a blog would be the quickest and easiest way to do it!... so here I go.....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay...... I feel a little tini tiny bit better now...... but not really..... Guys can you all please cross your fingers and hope to whatever it is that you hope to that I get this new job!!.... Cuz work is KILLING me, and I am NOT looking forward to still being there for another Holiday season...... I just may poke out my left eye if I'm still there in a few weeks...... so yeah..... Pray to the beer gods that all goes well.... PLEASE!!!!!!!! for the sake of us all....... DO IT!!!!

Thank you! ;-/

As promised.....

Okay..... well here it is..... the much anticipated blog about last nights happenings.....

Well the night started off as any other would.... I worked till midnight, then met up with the Dutchess, Bear, Noelle, and the Pixy at the Hyde Park Brewery.... Needless to say... It was LAME.... so after drinking my FREE beer (thanks dude at the bar!), which took me about an hour to get we decided to head over to the Eveready Diner.... also pretty lame on any normal night, BUT this night involved me and my dirty mind, and before we knew it we were discussing Veiny Horse Cock (which I give all credit to the dutchess herself for) Anyways, we somehow even got the waiter involved in our conversation, that was until he turned beat red, handed us the check and walked away....lol... ( I tend to have that effect on guys!!)

Okay, so my friends were having a birthday/halloween costume party last night as well... Which I totally wanted to go to earlier, but wouldn't miss hanging out with Pixy before she leaves us :-(.... well after the diner, I couldn't wait to get down there.. (I even came prepared with a costume and all!!) So I suggested to everyone that they come down with me, and both the Dutchess and Bear decided to tag along..... BEST DECISION THEY EVER MADE!!! Let me tell you.... So we get there and there are drunken bastards EVERYWHERE!! and everyone is in full Halloween getup.... so after walking around for a few minutes trying to decipher who is who under all the makeup and wigs I find people I know and let the drinking begin!! :-)

Well to make a long story short.... I left there covered in marker, layers upon layers of it all over my chest.... I had a penis on my left boob, and a heart on my right, and a smiley face in the middle.... along with about 5 singnatures of people that were there.... I know what your thinking.... "flick you're crazy!!" but no... the Dutchess was covered in just as much marker as I was if not more!! and so was Bear!!! And let me tell you.... It was NOT in appropriate places!!! I am still a little shocked to be quite honest!! lol... anyways.... so my friend Michelle STILL has my signature on her butt and I'm sure everyone else I wrote on is having just as tough of a time getting the marker off as I am!! :-)

Well the night came to an end around 5:30 this morning, with me and the BINJAAA talking like two crazy gay drunkards (even though I was completely sober at this point).... and people sticking to the beer/alcohol covered floor......... it was all around... a FANTABULOUS evening!!! And I got lots and lots of pictures to prove it!!! ;-)

WAIT FOR IT..........

Probably one of the most entertaining blogs EVER will be coming at ya realllllyyy soon..... just as soon as I get around to it...... but here is a little preview of whats to come::

Veiny Horse Cock
Sharpie markers
Penis's
BOOBS!!! Lots and lots of BOOBS!!!
BINJA's!!!

Oh! and a camera to catch all the action!!! woohoo!!! :-)

I was not alone.....

What the hell....... Since when am I not the ONLY one at the gym at midnight on a Tuesday??... This is just dissapointing....... there are other insomniacs out there besides me! and they are invading my gym time!!!! Grrrrrrr.......

I DONT like to follow the stupid red and green light on the wall, and when there are "others" I HAVE to! this is just Bull S&*T! and I'm a little angry.... So on that note.... I am moving my gym up to 1am instead of midnight!!! Thank's ya little jerks!!

Only horse people will enjoy this one......

So its Monday now..... and as everyone knows.... Mondays are my Barn-days...... and well... this monday wasnt looking as though there was going to be any barn happening (due to my coach cancelling my lesson for this evening).... That was until about 11:00 this morning when my friend from work called asking if I wanted to go see her horse today!!!! WOOHOO!!! Now her and I are total dorks, and have the ability to talk about horses for an entire 8 hour shift of work 5 days a week....... Yes... I am just as productive there as I am online.... lol anyways.....

So I pick her up and we head out to her barn..... Which was quite lovely by the way....... and go out to the paddock to get her horse.....and wasn't she just a sweetie!!! Shes a 14 hand, 5 year old white appolossa..... shes freakin adorable..... BUT...... shes green as all hell!..... She spooks at EVERYTHING!!! (including a butterfly and a trampoline!)

So....... I wasn't planning on riding her today, but couldnt resist once I got out there....

So the last time shes had anyone on her was back in July/August when she threw my friend off of her........( yeah..... I wasnt kidding when I said she was green!!!) So Daredevil Flick Decides to take a chance and get on her..... My friend took her out and lunged her for about 15 min just to get her moving again.... and then we tacked her up.... and I went on a helmet searching spree to find one that fit cuz mine is out at my barn..... (now....its a private barn, so basically I had to steal one from someone!! I choose the $400 GPA helmet that was ever so neatly hanging on one of the hooks.....yeah I have expensive riding taste!) I then preceeded to walk her back to the ring, and get on her..... well... that's when my friend said... "she doesnt do mounting blocks very well".....lol... oh lovely.... but actually, she was fine, I got on her, she backed up a little, threw her head in the air, got a little angry, but then we started walking.....

Yeeahhhhhhh... so walking is good..... she's a mare, so every little thing we did was a test... she would cut corners.... she would stop and stand there, until I kicked the shit out of her, or yelled at her..... she would throw her head up and down like a maniac!!!! so after about 10min of just fighting her at the walk I decided to give her a little squeeze and bring her up to a trot..... Talk about a total body workout!!! so shes a little crazy with the steering.... and shes also a little crazy with the speed and the spooking and jumping...... and then shes a little crazy in general and decided to try to buck me off a few times..... Being the decent rider that I am.... I totally felt it coming and was able to ride through it and then yell at her..... show her I was BOSS... and she WASN'T!!! So now after about 25min of fighting with her I decide to do some basic groundwork with her.... I worked on bending with her, and a little bit of framing, bringing her from a collected trot to a working trot.... she would throw a fit every once in a while, but she was definitly beginning to have a good time working........ FINALLY!!!!! This is where I finally felt like both her and I got something out of the hard work we had been doing.....

At this point I decide that I would try to canter her.... Now keep in mind that this is what my friend did when she was bucked off of her..... I am pretty used to horses being stupid during transitions, so I wasnt too worried about her, but my poor friend was just a little worried about me...... So this horse (who's name is Frankie) has NEVER before actually cantered from a walk... she has always been asked from a trot..... I decided I would make her go straight from a walk!!! Hell why not??? lol..... So I made a liar out of Frankie.... the first few tries she just sped up to a trot... and we would go right back down to a walk and I would ask her again.... then what do ya know?? She cantered!!!!! I was sooooo happy with her at this point, and my friend was just amazed that I was able to get her to do it!!! so after we cantered around for a few laps, in both directions, I decided to call it a day....... and Oh what a day it was!!!!

So now I have a horse to ride for free whenever I want to, cuz Frankie needs a lot of work..... and I got my horsie fix for the day!!! Horray!!! and despite me having bruises on my inner calves from not wearing half chaps and my hands being dyed black from the gloves I wore, I still had a wonderful time!! and yes I know.... I am a total dork!! Can't wait to head out there again!! :-)

Big Time Waster......

Well.... since myspace sucks and isn't working for like the 4th day in a row, I now have some free time to blog..... WOOHOO!!! I know... everyone is sooo excited!! I can feel the excitement through my computer....

anyways...... so its like 10:30 on sunday night..... I am bored as all hell.... I have an hour and a half to wait until the gym re-opens, and I'm not so sure I'm gonna make it...... I might just either die of complete boredom, or fall asleep because I may actually be a bit tired due to my 5AM WAKEUP CALL this morning by none other than the playa himself, and his drunk friends!!! Lucky me!! Good thing I didnt answer.... BUT.... I had just gone to bed about an hour and a half earlier.... and my alarm clock was set to go off at 6 for work.... so needless to say...I am NOT a happy camper... I only got an hour and a half of sleep last night (as opposed to my normal 3-4 hours)... then worked all day.... then cleaned my room..... got angry at my computer.... got angry at myspace... found out my friend is going to have a baby (which is kinda scary... long story) and talked about apple pie and cake with my buddie Jow for like an hour..... Now THATS what I call being productive!!! :-)

Oh and I would also like to briefly discuss how freaking COLD is it outside at the moment.... I currently have on two sweatshirts and am wrapped in a comforter with little arm holes so I can type... and I am FREEZING!!!! Which is NOT making me want to go outside to get in my car, wait for it to warm up, drive it to a gas station to put gas in it which means STANDING IN THE COLD, then getting back in only to get back out once I get to the gym... then sweat at the gym, and turn into a popsicle on the way home...... Hmmmmmmm........ the more I write the more this whole gym thing isnt sounding like such a wonderful idea..... But I know I am going to kickmyself tomorrow if I dont go..... hmmmmm maybe Ill have to go at a normal hour tomorrow since riding is out for the evening.... :-( Okay thats my Sunday night rant.... I hope everyone (anyone) reading this realizes that you just wasted valuble time doing something as unproductive as me writing this blog..... you are offically as pathetic as me at the moment!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

KICKBALLIN' GOOD TIMES!!!

I know its been a while since I've had anything interesting to blog about...... oh wait..... I NEVER have anything interesting to blog about...lol ANYWAYS...... I would just like to list off a few of last nights events that I thought were interesting......

1) I drank A LOT
2) I saw my ex after about 5months of not speaking to him(SHOOT ME!!!!)
3) I drunk called people (oops!)
4) I had some boy shove his tongue down my throat (GROSS!!! cuz hes a PLAYA! WORSE than the original Playa)
5) I had his friend/roomate tell me I was beautiful like 20times (total LIE!!! thank you!)
6) I drank a lot infront of family members
7) Went on a mission to save some girl who was yelling "HELP!" (everything was A-OKAY!)
8) I walked about 500 miles
9) I slept with a girl!! (lol... shared a bed.... so not really....but that sounded HOT for a second there!!... )
10) I "rode" the stairs all the way from the top.... down.... (and then my butt hurt)
11) I got Laid (by some old dude...... lol) ps- We're talking Hawaiin laid not laid laid...
12) I went to the bathroom about a million times....
13) Ate pizza at like 2am..... (but certainly not enough of it..) and lots and lots of salsa and chips!
14) Played a great game of flip cup... too bad my team SUCKED!!
15) Pole danced ( I think I found my calling!!)
16) Bonded with my teamates!!!
17) Bonded with other teamates!!!
18) and DRANK A LOT!!

and well.... because of all the drinking.... that is really all I remember from last night.... so yeah..... Crazy good times.... I love my kickballer friends!!! and all the crazy Kickballer good times!!! :-) and now that the vomiting has subsided and the hangover headache is feeling just a tiny bit better... I am going to go plop on the couch for the remainder of the evening..... adios!

Crackerjacks have just negated themselves from my kewl list FOREVER............

I just wanted to discuss really quick how LAME Cracker Jack prizes have gotten...... So my wonderful mother picked up a huge bag of CrackerJacks at BJ's recently... well I came home last night from Kickball... a little intoxicated... and well... a little high... and I was a little on the hungry side... So I decide a bag of crackerjacks would be such a wonderful idea... Then I started to get a little excited to see what my Super Kewl prize was going to be.... My heart sank as I searched through the bag and all I found was a little envelope thing which I knew couldnt fit anything to exciting into.... So I delicatley fold where is ever so cleverly says... "Fold and Tear here".... and all I got was a lame ass piece of paper with a hole in it that I could stick on the end of a pencil with a little green "booger" looking monster on it..... LAME!!!!

Strange things happen in the darkness.....

Is it a full moon out there or is it just me?.... So last night a friend of mine was throwing a bonfire... now this is something he usually does about 10 times a year or so, maybe more... As always, I was working till midnight so wasn't able to get out there till about 12:20 or so..... On my way I had to make a quick stop at Mobil to get some gas for the ride out to Bumblefuck, and of course.... BEER!... anyways..... I run in, stand in line behind about 20 teenage hick kids all buying packs of gum and junk food and who ALL needing to be rung up individually (of course!) well after about what seemed like an hour I finally get up to the counter with my 6pack of beer and my ID.... This is where what seemed like the trend of the night began.... The cashier and his buddy were standing there.... the one took my ID... looked at it... looked at me... then said my name.... "Laura?" he asks.... as though it clearly wasn't me on my ID.... "Do I know you?"... I look up at him, did a quick up and down, and with a fairly blank stare I respond with "Ummmm no? Should I?"... (and now keep in mind that the line has been building behind me for quite some time now...) He every so cleverly responds with.... "didn't we go on a date last night?".... I look up with a YOU MUST BE JOKING kinda face and a girlish kinda laugh.. He then took that as a great time to follow up this lame ass pickup line with a... "well would you like to go out on a date? Dead serious".... LAME!!... sorry I then respond with.... "awww, No!" and not even in a nice kind of way.... (yes, I know what your thinking... "wow, what a bitch"... and yes, yes I am...)

Anyways, to make a long story short, his buddy who was standing behind the register as well decides that would be a perfect time for him to chime in with.... "no, she went on a date with me!"... I ever so politely smiled... and preceded to grab my beer, my change, my ID, and my pride and every so cleverly responded with... "oh yeah!...oops! I totally forgot it even happened!... have a lovely evening"..... and walked the fuck out... while the guy behind me just laughed.....

Basically, what I would like to know is... Where the fuck do guys get off thinking that LAME ASS pickuplines still work??...... Like are you kidding me??? Was I supposed to just totally swoon over the fact that not only was I asked out by a fucking gas station worker, but that the lame ass attempt was actually made AT a gas station??!!??! Come on!......

And you all thought that was the end of my story........ ha!

So I go to the party, where I knew my "sorta-ex" (if thats what you want to call him...) Steve was...... well lucky for me, I gave a call to my friend before going and had him mention that I was on my way...... Well, lucky for me, I managed to arrived just after Steve left! (oh how convenient!!! :-) ) and had one of the best nights I have had in a long ass time, despite my back killing me the entire time I was there....

So my friend lives in the freaking STICKS of Hyde Park..... like middle of NOWHERE! and has tons of land, and 3 horses!! So I spend half my night out in the horse paddock with this kid who I had met a few times before, who is totally dressed like one of those "douchebag" (refer to picture on my myspace page posted by the Dutchess of Kickball herself!) kinda outfits... Very trendy kid..pretty HOT....but, totally NOT my type...... anyways... me and Kevin (douchebag dressed kid) go out to play with the horses because he has NEVER seen one up close..... (now keep in mind, it is now 3am.. we have both been drinking.... and were chilling out in the middle of the woods... yeah.... you get the picture.......) well.... after spending an hour in the field just talking, and petting the horses, we decide to head back to the fire..... I turn, start to walk, he grabs my hand, pulls me back, moves in really close, asks my permission to kiss me, then totally does!! WTF?? FULL MOON!? I am telling you!!.... guy's DO NOT! and I repeat! DO NOOOT!! just kiss me......... okay.. .. so as though thats not enough.... he totally wanted my number (which I totally didnt give him... dont worry... ) and would like to hang out again at some point.... WEIRD??? NO! It totally gets even weirder!!!..... so Kevin ends up leaving with our friends he came with.... and Its now about 5:30am....... My friend who is throwing the party asks me to stay cuz hes not tired, and doesnt feel like going to bed .... (nore to do I... cuz i NEVER sleep) and we are the last ones left..... So we head back out to the fire, and sit and talk for about an hour..... when WHAM! out of nowhere he totally juts plants one on me!!! Okay seriously now im just totally thinking im in a dream or something.......
Now my friend and I had an encounter a little over a year ago... and perhaps a few times in between, which had turned into nothing more than a makeout session due to the fact that I am still friends with one of his ex's... and I dont do that shit... But, apparently he still has feelings for me, which I sorta already knew, but he had been dating someone else for the last 8months or so, so his flirting and move making had come to a halt recently..... Understandable... to make a long story short... we kissed... and let me tell you... he is probably the BEST kisser I have ever kissed in my life!.... but I stopped it there... and went home now that it was 6:30 am and the sun was coming up... Which I watched rise during my half an hour ride back home to reality...

So in the end..... I got to play with horses.... Drink beer..... get asked out on a date....... then get asked out on another one...... then have two boys totally kiss me...... I'm sorry, but that shit is wack!!! Strange things happen at night....

Quick Note....

Oh.... I would also like to discuss..... Big hair, full matching denim outfits, necklaces the size of your face, calling yourself a female, yet looking like a man, and dancing like your still stuck in the 80's is NOT OKAY!!!! and whoever let you out of the house looking like that, should be SHOT!!!
Guys DON'T find that shit hot, or attractive, or even mildly okay..... and well.... girls (in particular- the fabulous Kickballer ones who I am friends with) we sit and laugh at you..... Yes, it provides hours of entertainment, and we are ALL still talking about it now the next day..... But that still doesn't make it okay! I am sorry....

Oh and on a quick sidenote- wigs or toupee's on guys are also NOT OKAY!!! If you're going to be wearing that shit in public....remind yourself this--"DO NOT GO TO A PUBLIC PLACE!!!" Especially a bar, where there are about a hundred people asking themselves-" should I dance with him just to see if I can manage to pull that thing off??" It's just a recipe for disaster if you ask me....

Oh what a night.....

Okay..... so last night started off wonderful....... I was having a fabulous time..... then like a fucking train wreck it bitch slapped me across the face, then took a massive dump on my head!!! In the end, what I learned was...... Leave the past where the past belongs, there is a reason its there in the first place (this mainly in terms of ex boyfriends) Also, Don't post a myspace bulletin letting the whole world know you were going to be out that night, cuz then you have A LOT of people to say hi to... and a few you wind up looking like a real dick to because you had to leave them to say hi to everyone else..... And last but not least.... When angry or upset..... LEAVE THE BAR!!!!
(Oh, and when someone tells you they are going to be away--- Don't believe them, cuz they may have read your bulletin or whatever and come out to see ya too!!!!) STALKER?? lol

Oh what a night......... Thank goodness for my cellphone, and the internet afterwards...... best people in the world on both of them when I needed them!!!

The End

What the F&%K??

Okay.... so somehow I managed to go through 23 years of my life without having to take a single helpful computer class..... I mean yes.. I took typing in highschool, but I've never had a problem with that..... But seriously.... this blog shit..... NOT EASY!!! (for me anyways...) Today I made an attempt to fix up my page a little, and was attacked by error messages!!! LOTS OF THEM!!!!!(talk about scary) anyways... one of these days I will figure this shit out... until then... Readers beware!!! I dont know what I'm doing!!! lol

ps-I would also like to take this time to thank Laura for her help... I know she was super busy at work.... trying NOT to fall asleep at her desk all day..... but without her.... I woulda had one funny looking blog page..... :-)

This is why I dont do blind dates

Okay.... so I work with a girl, very nice girl, kinda the opposite of me.... lol anyways... she hears of the shit ive been dealing with lately with a certain boy.... (who I'm sure I'll blog about eventually) Well she decides that shes got this friend who is also single who would be PERFECT for me.... (in a "perfect" world.... there would be a "perfect" guy for me..... too bad this isnt a "perfect" world) We'll she arranges a nice little double "date" (if thats what you want to call it) for us to drive all the way the fuck down to Vails Gate (aka- bumblefuck) at 10:00 at night... after I've been working all day, and have to be back at work again at 8:00 the next morning....(horrible timing.. just saying...)
Well, we meet up and drive down there... get there around 10:40 to go play pool (which I suck at).... Well my "HOT DATE" was a little late getting there, but when he did... I was thouroughly dissapointed.... There wasnt an ounce of compatability between the two of us whatesoever!!! He was shorter than me (which is pretty hard to do if your a guy, seeing as I am only 5'7") He was NOT as cute as she made him seem..... actually he was NOT cute at all.... if you looked in the dictionary under cute... it would NOT be a picture of him..... Oh, and not only was he not cute, he dressed like a slob!!.... I mean he saw my myspace profile, and knew what he was getting himself into beforehand, and STILL dressed like a slob..... and I'm talking, pants that could fit like 5 people in them, some ugly ass ratty t-shirt with a picture of handcuffs on it, and vans on his feet..... (not holding anything agains Vans.... but not a first impression you want to make when your 25 years old... just sayin... ) ANYWAYS..... not only that, but the kid doesnt have a real job, never finished school... basically the definition of what I DONT WANT IN A GUY!!! Oh, and he was shyer than me!!!! I'm still not sure if him and I ever said a word to each other the entire night..... and as if that wasnt enough.... my story gets better......
We"ll in order to make the night go a little faster, or for me to just enjoy myself a little more, I decide to go get a beer, which he came to join me on..... Well he buys my $3.00 beer for me, then goes on to show me that hes totally broke, and has $1.00 to his name until tomorrow when he gets paid.....NICE!!!
No, not really.... Soooooo nice me offers to give him money for the beer... he ever so nicely declines to take it!! (damn straight!.. mother fucker didnt even pay for my game of pool which was only $6bucks!!!! ) okay so the date sucked.... the whole time I was thinking about how much more fun I could be having sitting at home picking my nose!!!.....

Moral of my story: Unless you know me, Don't try to date me, and don't try to set me up on a date with any of your single friends..... cuz most likely... they are single for a REASON!!!

Yay! I Blog Now!!

So yeah.... never been much of a blogger.... but have recently decided that my life is just THAT exciting that I should share it with the world!.. so here it is..... ps-Don't get your hopes up...lol :-)