Crackerjacks have just negated themselves from my kewl list FOREVER............

I just wanted to discuss really quick how LAME Cracker Jack prizes have gotten...... So my wonderful mother picked up a huge bag of CrackerJacks at BJ's recently... well I came home last night from Kickball... a little intoxicated... and well... a little high... and I was a little on the hungry side... So I decide a bag of crackerjacks would be such a wonderful idea... Then I started to get a little excited to see what my Super Kewl prize was going to be.... My heart sank as I searched through the bag and all I found was a little envelope thing which I knew couldnt fit anything to exciting into.... So I delicatley fold where is ever so cleverly says... "Fold and Tear here".... and all I got was a lame ass piece of paper with a hole in it that I could stick on the end of a pencil with a little green "booger" looking monster on it..... LAME!!!!

Strange things happen in the darkness.....

Is it a full moon out there or is it just me?.... So last night a friend of mine was throwing a bonfire... now this is something he usually does about 10 times a year or so, maybe more... As always, I was working till midnight so wasn't able to get out there till about 12:20 or so..... On my way I had to make a quick stop at Mobil to get some gas for the ride out to Bumblefuck, and of course.... BEER!... anyways..... I run in, stand in line behind about 20 teenage hick kids all buying packs of gum and junk food and who ALL needing to be rung up individually (of course!) well after about what seemed like an hour I finally get up to the counter with my 6pack of beer and my ID.... This is where what seemed like the trend of the night began.... The cashier and his buddy were standing there.... the one took my ID... looked at it... looked at me... then said my name.... "Laura?" he asks.... as though it clearly wasn't me on my ID.... "Do I know you?"... I look up at him, did a quick up and down, and with a fairly blank stare I respond with "Ummmm no? Should I?"... (and now keep in mind that the line has been building behind me for quite some time now...) He every so cleverly responds with.... "didn't we go on a date last night?".... I look up with a YOU MUST BE JOKING kinda face and a girlish kinda laugh.. He then took that as a great time to follow up this lame ass pickup line with a... "well would you like to go out on a date? Dead serious".... LAME!!... sorry I then respond with.... "awww, No!" and not even in a nice kind of way.... (yes, I know what your thinking... "wow, what a bitch"... and yes, yes I am...)

Anyways, to make a long story short, his buddy who was standing behind the register as well decides that would be a perfect time for him to chime in with.... "no, she went on a date with me!"... I ever so politely smiled... and preceded to grab my beer, my change, my ID, and my pride and every so cleverly responded with... "oh yeah!...oops! I totally forgot it even happened!... have a lovely evening"..... and walked the fuck out... while the guy behind me just laughed.....

Basically, what I would like to know is... Where the fuck do guys get off thinking that LAME ASS pickuplines still work??...... Like are you kidding me??? Was I supposed to just totally swoon over the fact that not only was I asked out by a fucking gas station worker, but that the lame ass attempt was actually made AT a gas station??!!??! Come on!......

And you all thought that was the end of my story........ ha!

So I go to the party, where I knew my "sorta-ex" (if thats what you want to call him...) Steve was...... well lucky for me, I gave a call to my friend before going and had him mention that I was on my way...... Well, lucky for me, I managed to arrived just after Steve left! (oh how convenient!!! :-) ) and had one of the best nights I have had in a long ass time, despite my back killing me the entire time I was there....

So my friend lives in the freaking STICKS of Hyde Park..... like middle of NOWHERE! and has tons of land, and 3 horses!! So I spend half my night out in the horse paddock with this kid who I had met a few times before, who is totally dressed like one of those "douchebag" (refer to picture on my myspace page posted by the Dutchess of Kickball herself!) kinda outfits... Very trendy kid..pretty HOT....but, totally NOT my type...... anyways... me and Kevin (douchebag dressed kid) go out to play with the horses because he has NEVER seen one up close..... (now keep in mind, it is now 3am.. we have both been drinking.... and were chilling out in the middle of the woods... yeah.... you get the picture.......) well.... after spending an hour in the field just talking, and petting the horses, we decide to head back to the fire..... I turn, start to walk, he grabs my hand, pulls me back, moves in really close, asks my permission to kiss me, then totally does!! WTF?? FULL MOON!? I am telling you!!.... guy's DO NOT! and I repeat! DO NOOOT!! just kiss me......... okay.. .. so as though thats not enough.... he totally wanted my number (which I totally didnt give him... dont worry... ) and would like to hang out again at some point.... WEIRD??? NO! It totally gets even weirder!!!..... so Kevin ends up leaving with our friends he came with.... and Its now about 5:30am....... My friend who is throwing the party asks me to stay cuz hes not tired, and doesnt feel like going to bed .... (nore to do I... cuz i NEVER sleep) and we are the last ones left..... So we head back out to the fire, and sit and talk for about an hour..... when WHAM! out of nowhere he totally juts plants one on me!!! Okay seriously now im just totally thinking im in a dream or something.......
Now my friend and I had an encounter a little over a year ago... and perhaps a few times in between, which had turned into nothing more than a makeout session due to the fact that I am still friends with one of his ex's... and I dont do that shit... But, apparently he still has feelings for me, which I sorta already knew, but he had been dating someone else for the last 8months or so, so his flirting and move making had come to a halt recently..... Understandable... to make a long story short... we kissed... and let me tell you... he is probably the BEST kisser I have ever kissed in my life!.... but I stopped it there... and went home now that it was 6:30 am and the sun was coming up... Which I watched rise during my half an hour ride back home to reality...

So in the end..... I got to play with horses.... Drink beer..... get asked out on a date....... then get asked out on another one...... then have two boys totally kiss me...... I'm sorry, but that shit is wack!!! Strange things happen at night....

Quick Note....

Oh.... I would also like to discuss..... Big hair, full matching denim outfits, necklaces the size of your face, calling yourself a female, yet looking like a man, and dancing like your still stuck in the 80's is NOT OKAY!!!! and whoever let you out of the house looking like that, should be SHOT!!!
Guys DON'T find that shit hot, or attractive, or even mildly okay..... and well.... girls (in particular- the fabulous Kickballer ones who I am friends with) we sit and laugh at you..... Yes, it provides hours of entertainment, and we are ALL still talking about it now the next day..... But that still doesn't make it okay! I am sorry....

Oh and on a quick sidenote- wigs or toupee's on guys are also NOT OKAY!!! If you're going to be wearing that shit in public....remind yourself this--"DO NOT GO TO A PUBLIC PLACE!!!" Especially a bar, where there are about a hundred people asking themselves-" should I dance with him just to see if I can manage to pull that thing off??" It's just a recipe for disaster if you ask me....

Oh what a night.....

Okay..... so last night started off wonderful....... I was having a fabulous time..... then like a fucking train wreck it bitch slapped me across the face, then took a massive dump on my head!!! In the end, what I learned was...... Leave the past where the past belongs, there is a reason its there in the first place (this mainly in terms of ex boyfriends) Also, Don't post a myspace bulletin letting the whole world know you were going to be out that night, cuz then you have A LOT of people to say hi to... and a few you wind up looking like a real dick to because you had to leave them to say hi to everyone else..... And last but not least.... When angry or upset..... LEAVE THE BAR!!!!
(Oh, and when someone tells you they are going to be away--- Don't believe them, cuz they may have read your bulletin or whatever and come out to see ya too!!!!) STALKER?? lol

Oh what a night......... Thank goodness for my cellphone, and the internet afterwards...... best people in the world on both of them when I needed them!!!

The End

What the F&%K??

Okay.... so somehow I managed to go through 23 years of my life without having to take a single helpful computer class..... I mean yes.. I took typing in highschool, but I've never had a problem with that..... But seriously.... this blog shit..... NOT EASY!!! (for me anyways...) Today I made an attempt to fix up my page a little, and was attacked by error messages!!! LOTS OF THEM!!!!!(talk about scary) anyways... one of these days I will figure this shit out... until then... Readers beware!!! I dont know what I'm doing!!! lol

ps-I would also like to take this time to thank Laura for her help... I know she was super busy at work.... trying NOT to fall asleep at her desk all day..... but without her.... I woulda had one funny looking blog page..... :-)

This is why I dont do blind dates

Okay.... so I work with a girl, very nice girl, kinda the opposite of me.... lol anyways... she hears of the shit ive been dealing with lately with a certain boy.... (who I'm sure I'll blog about eventually) Well she decides that shes got this friend who is also single who would be PERFECT for me.... (in a "perfect" world.... there would be a "perfect" guy for me..... too bad this isnt a "perfect" world) We'll she arranges a nice little double "date" (if thats what you want to call it) for us to drive all the way the fuck down to Vails Gate (aka- bumblefuck) at 10:00 at night... after I've been working all day, and have to be back at work again at 8:00 the next morning....(horrible timing.. just saying...)
Well, we meet up and drive down there... get there around 10:40 to go play pool (which I suck at).... Well my "HOT DATE" was a little late getting there, but when he did... I was thouroughly dissapointed.... There wasnt an ounce of compatability between the two of us whatesoever!!! He was shorter than me (which is pretty hard to do if your a guy, seeing as I am only 5'7") He was NOT as cute as she made him seem..... actually he was NOT cute at all.... if you looked in the dictionary under cute... it would NOT be a picture of him..... Oh, and not only was he not cute, he dressed like a slob!!.... I mean he saw my myspace profile, and knew what he was getting himself into beforehand, and STILL dressed like a slob..... and I'm talking, pants that could fit like 5 people in them, some ugly ass ratty t-shirt with a picture of handcuffs on it, and vans on his feet..... (not holding anything agains Vans.... but not a first impression you want to make when your 25 years old... just sayin... ) ANYWAYS..... not only that, but the kid doesnt have a real job, never finished school... basically the definition of what I DONT WANT IN A GUY!!! Oh, and he was shyer than me!!!! I'm still not sure if him and I ever said a word to each other the entire night..... and as if that wasnt enough.... my story gets better......
We"ll in order to make the night go a little faster, or for me to just enjoy myself a little more, I decide to go get a beer, which he came to join me on..... Well he buys my $3.00 beer for me, then goes on to show me that hes totally broke, and has $1.00 to his name until tomorrow when he gets paid.....NICE!!!
No, not really.... Soooooo nice me offers to give him money for the beer... he ever so nicely declines to take it!! (damn straight!.. mother fucker didnt even pay for my game of pool which was only $6bucks!!!! ) okay so the date sucked.... the whole time I was thinking about how much more fun I could be having sitting at home picking my nose!!!.....

Moral of my story: Unless you know me, Don't try to date me, and don't try to set me up on a date with any of your single friends..... cuz most likely... they are single for a REASON!!!