Literally, a SHITTY day......

So I couldn't resist blogging about my shitty day...... and when I say shitty..... I mean SHITTY!!!! Well Monday after I was leaving work I noticed that my car was covered in bird shit.... Now I wasn't sure if the shit came from my house? or the parking lot at work?....... Well needless to say, I came home and washed all 24 bird shits off my car that night...... My car remained clean for a whole 24 hours! until I went to work today... (Wednesday) and came out to just my HOOD and WINDSHIELD coverd in 37 poops!!!!!!!! I know what you are all thinking..... NO FREAKIN WAY!!!!! But I am soooo serious, and made my mother go look at it just so I had some proof!.....

Anyways..... as though the 37 bird turds on my windshield and hood wasnt enough, there were 12 freakin more on my sunroof!!!!!!!! WHAT THE F*&K??????? How is that even possible????? 49 bird shits on my car in a span of 8hours!!!! Now I'm not sure exactly how this all happens, because when I park at work, I don't park under a tree, nore do I park in the middle of a freakin bird sanctuary...... so where the hell is it all coming from???? And how the hell is it possible for a group of birds to make that much SHIT????? And dude...... can we just discuss the array of colors I had?.... I had purple shit, blue shit, green shit, yellow shit, a few little black shits, and like 15 white blob shits...... GROSS!!!!!

So now that you all have a visual of my clown colored Jeep.... Which is clown colored no more, due to it taking its SECOND bath in the last 3 days!!! I will leave you all with that..... and PS- If there are any birds out there reading this......... F*CKing LAY OFF THE LAXATIVES!!!!!!

Swinging good time!......

So today was pretty much the SHITTIEST day of my life...... not only was it black Friday... and I work in retail.... but I came home to the biggest hell of my life..... my family.... Good news though, throughout all the hell I have been dealing with lately, my sister and I have become somewhat close (which is insane since we have HATED each other our entire lives) Anyways, the closeness between my sister and I has been brought on by the fact that my mother has gone completely insane, and tonight was the proof that I was NOT overreacting!!!

So after having a complete and utter breakdown, completely losing all self control, and crying like I was some little kid who fell off the playground swing, I had to get out of the house..... so what did I do???? No..... Not go out drinking.... oh no...... I went playing on a sex swing instead!!!!!..... yeah! I did say SEX SWING!!..... I went out with pixy and the dutchess to dutchesses gay love interests house (Bear) and took notice (due to everyones staring at the ceiling) of two pretty heavy duty hooks on the ceiling...... So dirty mind Flick states that those hooks would be perfect for a sex swing!!! Well...... guess what???? That is EXACTLY what they were for...... soooooooo to make a long story short.... the sex swing was brought out.... along with a fairly large dildo and some crazy videos were taken......... (NO! I was not naked... thank God!!) But it was hilarious.... so much in fact that I ended up falling out the bottom with my feet stuck in the foot straps...... yeah..... CLASSY!!! I know........lol

The conclusion of the night was the four of us all heading over to Birminghams house to visit with Noelle..... and with us upstairs feeling like total outcasts for not being "kewl" enough to chill with the brainiacs downstairs playing Taboo!! ...... lol..... Oh well..... instead, we all bonded by poking fun at Bear for leaning more towards the "not so straight" side of the heterosexual line....fun times!!!.

Anyways..... so the night ended up much better than it began.... I actually smiled!! ;-) and now have a wonderful blog to post about it all.....

The holidays SUCK.......

Okay..... so just because Barnes and Noble offers FREE gift wrap all year long.... DOESN'T mean its okay for you to come in on a BUSY Friday night with two days worth of purchases to have US giftwrap them for YOU!!! Fucking JERKS!!!!! I swear some people are only alive cuz its illegal to shoot them!!!! (but since I've never really been one for following the rules or doing shit thats legal.....Shooting them isn't completely out of the question now is it?? )

Tis the F*CKING season!!!!

The playa and his Whore....

One day there was this Playa.... and there was this whore..... Oh and then there was Flick..... anyways..... One day flick catches the playa and his whore sucking face in the parking lot..... So flick confronts the playa about his whorish ways... and the playa plays it off like it was nothing..... Well flick isnt dumb.. no no... not at all..... Flick remembers that she has all the players passwords to get on his myspace page.... So flick and the dutchess decide to check things out a little..... and OH! what a shocker!!! The Playa is a fucking LIAR and well the whore..... is even more of a whore than we originally thought (which pretty much makes her a walking STD at this point)

Well to make a long story short..... The Dutchess and Flick had a wonderful afternoon full of vomiting all over themselves due to the emails they read between the playa and the whore... emails consisting of conversations about pussies and throbing cocks being inside one another and so on..... and OH! not to be overlooked.... the conversation the whore had with her mother because she heard all the happenings from the night before because the playa is soooooo fucking classy and did it with a 20 year old in her fucking parents house!!! (btw. the playa is 30) And apparently the Whore couldnt keep it down due to all the FAKING she had to pull off with the player due to his TINI-WEENIE!!! (I will not go into details about how Flick knows this.... but lets just leave it at that..... there HAD to be faking going on there!! A LOT of it!!!)

Well the moral of this story is....... DONT LIE TO FLICK!!! I am not stupid, and DO NOT underestimate my stalking abilites.... if I need to find something out, I WILL!!!! And when I call her a whore! Dont go all grumpy on my ass cuz you know damn well that I AM RIGHT!!!!

THE END ;-)

Aguh-bye.........

Oh the kickball season has come to an end..... and after a long night of kickball fun, flipcup fun, drinking fun, and discussions of wardrobe fun, this season has come to an end..... The famous tucker now knows that tucking in of your shirt is NOT OKAY!!! (I really hope youre reading this... this is my ode to you TUCKER!! ;-) ) Anderson school hopefully knows that they are officially HATED even more now....(though we are not sore losers... We just all agree that the winners (though it is STILL us) deserve more credit then we have been getting.... ) I have learned that my catching skills will only be utilized when a ball actually makes it to the outfield, which is apparently no so "kewl" anymore...... I learned that boys still cannot listen, or maybe they chose not to?... When I say "DONT BUNT!!!"....Dude... DON'T FUCKING BUNT DAMNIT!!!! and when the rest of the team is yelling...... "kick it as hard as you can!!!" by golly.... you better be kicking that ball like you were kicking that bitch who broke your damn heart!!! And when kickball comes to an end on its final night.... You better be making the most of it.... ;-)

I met soooo many great people playing this game of kickball fun.... the World Adult Kickball Association was like one on the best ideas EVER!!! I mean where the hell else can you kick balls all night, drink like its going out of style, and hang out with the best bunch of people in the world??.... thats right... you guessed it..... KICKBALL!!!! Oh.... you will be missed....... Until next time..... may the force be with you all!!! see everyone at trivia...... (doesnt quite have the same ring....... sorry.......)

Femi-nazi moment......

Guy's are all assholes...... or at least all of the ones I have currently been dealing with..... They are misinformed about EVERYTHING in life, and still feel the need to open their F&*King mouths and spill their verbal diarrhea in the form of half ass sentences onto you, as though you gave a shit!! Well guess what???....... I DONT!!

I dont care that some girl at the bar didn't give you her phone number, I don't care that you haven't gotten laid in god knows how long, and I dont care that you feel lonely.... (JOIN THE F*&KING CLUB!!!!) Don't whine to be about being "confused" Don't give me your sob story about how your past was fucked up and thats just made things difficult!!!!! Cuz Honey! If I even began to tell you about my fucking past, you would shoot yourself before the story was over!!!!!

Now I don't mean to come off as a total bitch, but the fact of the matter is.... I AM!!! People don't make it through life because they live each day feeling sorry for themselves, or because they dwell on the past.... People make it through life cuz they fucking LIVE it for all that its worth!!!..... They don't sit there and try for things that arent possible (ie. the hot girl at the bar when you are Quasi-fucking-moto with cross eyes!!) I'm sorry if this is harsh, but it needs to get the hell outta my system, and people need to start being REALISTIC here!!!.......

Now Quasimoto isnt the only one on my shit list at the moment...... No.... there are others.... most of whome have a penis in their pants..... I have the malnurished-little-twirp who I work with who thinks that just because he is parading around his new little girlfriend with the 6year old kid, I am somehow jealous??.... HAHA.... Boy.. you have a lot to learn about the word "jealousy"..... It's not possible for me to be jealous of that.... or jealous of anything having to do with YOU because I DUMPED YOU!!!!!!! Let's not forget that!!!

Moving on.... there is also my old "trainer" I call him that because he took me under his wing and trained me JKD for a while, taught me a lot about fighting, a lot about self discipline, and a lot about life, then turned into the weakest person I have even known!!! You dissapoint me.... and I want you to know that......

Now I could go on for hours about this... about how weak the male species has become.. but quite frankly... it's not worth anymore of my time..... From now on... If you have a penis... Try not to think with it.... actually.... if it helps you become more of what your not, start using it.... I don't want to hear anymore about your problems, your false information, or thoughts as to why you are gods gift to women!!... (cuz sweetie, if your single, and even I wouldnt fuck you, you are NOT god's gift to women!!.... sorry......)

I will leave you all there...... with a to be continued... Because I have a feeling.... this isn't over.....