Happy New Year......

So its been a while since I last posted a blog, and realized that a whole ton of stuff has happened since my last post... Things such as Christmas, New Years, my mothers ENGAGEMENT, my grandmothers ENGAGEMENT, my sister coming home, my neighbors flooding their home, more bird crappings on my car, more work being done to my house, more uncertainty than anything.... so all in all... Things have been rather interesting to say the least...

Guess we will start off with Christmas..... well..... I had a tough time dealing with the fact that this is going to be my last christmas spent in my house, which will be going on the market sooner than expected.... I also had a difficult time dealing with the fact that for the most part, I spent christmas alone, because my mothers new FIANCE (ill get to that one in a min) is more important then her two kids..... And YES! I did say "Fiance".....thats right! the MARRIED man who my mom has been seeing for the last 3months proposed to her saturday before christmas, and felt the need to come to my job to break the news to me.... (JERKS!) Its sad that now, I actually look forward to going to work based on the fact that its the only way I get a break from all the craziness thats been going on around here..... mainly being, my mother completely losing her mind!! I know, I should be happy for them, and YES! I am glad that my mother is "finally" (as quoted by her) happy.... because apparently my sister and I have been such a burden on her life which just made her MISERABLE..... (note to self: USE BIRTH CONTROL!!! as to avoid having a "miserable" life..Thanks Mom!!.....) Moving on.....

The New Year couldnt have started off any better.... Spending an entire day with Coach and her hubby and the Dutchess sitting around watching movies and taking naps because we were sooo exhausted from the night before!... Which by the way was spent at Mahoneys.... (yeah yeah... totally sick of that place, but it had its perks on New Years Eve.... that being Nuts in a Blender) Tucker was away for the weekend, so my midnight kiss was with the Dutchess... which wasnt bad, but coulda used a bit more tongue action! lol... just kidding..

So heres to YOU! 2007!!! If you wouldnt mind ending a bit sooner that would be lovely, because I have a feeling this coming year isnt going to be one of the better ones..... but ya never know... perhaps this is the kick I've been needing.... I just wish I had a bit more support on the parental end of the spectrum.... but I dont see that happening anytime soon, since as of this morning all my mom cared about was whether or not I have been going to the gym lately..... (which I went to last night by the way) Nothing like seeing someone after a week and a half and the first thing out of their mouth is "have ya been to the gym lately?"..... yeah ask me how I handled that one next time ya see me!! (forewarning..... NOT WELL!!) Well as to not bore you all with my blog this evening..... I will leave it at that....

for now.....

When it rains...... it POURS!!!!.......

As though falling off my horse saturday (which resulted in a lot of bruises, the inability to move my neck, and a minor concussion) wasnt enough, Sunday came and created a whole new disaster story to tell.... and here we go....

So Sunday morning I wake up, barely able to move any part of my body.... when my mother decided that it would be a great day to go pick out a christmas tree and bring it home.... (mind you, im totally useless because of the pain im in.....) So we go pick up our christmas tree, bring it home, I do my best to help get our endless amounts of Christmas decorations out of hiding, and decide that hanging christmas lights on my house would be the least hazardous project for me to take on since I have a very low hanging roof and its really easy to hook the lights on the nails from last year....Oh boy! was I wrong!!

As usual, one of the strands of lights didnt work so I decided to make my best attempt to fix it.... unable to get the bulb off the string, I decide to use my mouth to losen the little bastard..... completely forgetting the lights were still PLUGGED IN!!!!....... so yeah... needless to say, after being totally electrocuted I threw out the string of lights and carried on with a burning copper taste still in my mouth..... can we say MORON????!!! Oh..... thats not all.....

So we bring the tree in the house, and realize its too tall for my living room and instead of taking the heavy tree (which I couldnt lift) outside, I decide to just saw off about 3 inches of the trunk right there in my living room....... Long story short.... I forgot I moved the marble coffee table to the corner behind where I was sawing, and when I finally managed to get through the trunk I threw my entire body back to crash on the floor from being in soo much pain and having just sawed off the end of the tree, and well...... slammed my head into the marble table, cracking it open and creating a bloddy mess EVERYWHERE!!! (and quite a nice goose egg!!!)

You know how some people are just accident prone????? yeah... well..... I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!!!......

( but on the plus side..... I did see quite a few stars this weekend!!!)

Then I hit dirt.......

So falls off horses hurt a hell of a lot more now then they ever used to...... or maybe its cuz I landed on a pole and took out a standard on the way??.... well whatever the case may be, I HURT a lot... It hurts to swallow cuz of the whiplash in the front of my neck.... my arms cannot be raised above my chest level, it hurts to lift anything, my back hurts in more places than I knew possible, and my butt..... oh lets not even go there... there are more shades of purple down there, than I knew existed!!!..... Oh and my slight concussion isnt helping anything out either, I freaked out the Dutchess and Coach..... and even Tucker seemed a bit worried when I spoke of the fact that I dont remember about a 2 hour chunk of my morning...... so ummmmm yeah..... FUN DAY!!... not to mention the 8hour shift I just worked... IN PAIN.......

Perhaps moving into a padded room like the one below to avoid hurting myself isnt a half bad idea...... ????

As my hatred deepens.....

A diamond ring, a diamond necklace, a diamond bracelet, and two pair of gold and diamond earrings...OH! and dinner at the Culinary.. all for ONE Birthday!! (All from someone who is STILL married to his WIFE!!!!!) Can we say DOUCHEBAG????... Oh, and yeah.... way to make anything I buy look like total garbage!!! and now.... I HATE YOU EVEN MORE!!!!!

Literally, a SHITTY day......

So I couldn't resist blogging about my shitty day...... and when I say shitty..... I mean SHITTY!!!! Well Monday after I was leaving work I noticed that my car was covered in bird shit.... Now I wasn't sure if the shit came from my house? or the parking lot at work?....... Well needless to say, I came home and washed all 24 bird shits off my car that night...... My car remained clean for a whole 24 hours! until I went to work today... (Wednesday) and came out to just my HOOD and WINDSHIELD coverd in 37 poops!!!!!!!! I know what you are all thinking..... NO FREAKIN WAY!!!!! But I am soooo serious, and made my mother go look at it just so I had some proof!.....

Anyways..... as though the 37 bird turds on my windshield and hood wasnt enough, there were 12 freakin more on my sunroof!!!!!!!! WHAT THE F*&K??????? How is that even possible????? 49 bird shits on my car in a span of 8hours!!!! Now I'm not sure exactly how this all happens, because when I park at work, I don't park under a tree, nore do I park in the middle of a freakin bird sanctuary...... so where the hell is it all coming from???? And how the hell is it possible for a group of birds to make that much SHIT????? And dude...... can we just discuss the array of colors I had?.... I had purple shit, blue shit, green shit, yellow shit, a few little black shits, and like 15 white blob shits...... GROSS!!!!!

So now that you all have a visual of my clown colored Jeep.... Which is clown colored no more, due to it taking its SECOND bath in the last 3 days!!! I will leave you all with that..... and PS- If there are any birds out there reading this......... F*CKing LAY OFF THE LAXATIVES!!!!!!

Swinging good time!......

So today was pretty much the SHITTIEST day of my life...... not only was it black Friday... and I work in retail.... but I came home to the biggest hell of my life..... my family.... Good news though, throughout all the hell I have been dealing with lately, my sister and I have become somewhat close (which is insane since we have HATED each other our entire lives) Anyways, the closeness between my sister and I has been brought on by the fact that my mother has gone completely insane, and tonight was the proof that I was NOT overreacting!!!

So after having a complete and utter breakdown, completely losing all self control, and crying like I was some little kid who fell off the playground swing, I had to get out of the house..... so what did I do???? No..... Not go out drinking.... oh no...... I went playing on a sex swing instead!!!!!..... yeah! I did say SEX SWING!!..... I went out with pixy and the dutchess to dutchesses gay love interests house (Bear) and took notice (due to everyones staring at the ceiling) of two pretty heavy duty hooks on the ceiling...... So dirty mind Flick states that those hooks would be perfect for a sex swing!!! Well...... guess what???? That is EXACTLY what they were for...... soooooooo to make a long story short.... the sex swing was brought out.... along with a fairly large dildo and some crazy videos were taken......... (NO! I was not naked... thank God!!) But it was hilarious.... so much in fact that I ended up falling out the bottom with my feet stuck in the foot straps...... yeah..... CLASSY!!! I know........lol

The conclusion of the night was the four of us all heading over to Birminghams house to visit with Noelle..... and with us upstairs feeling like total outcasts for not being "kewl" enough to chill with the brainiacs downstairs playing Taboo!! ...... lol..... Oh well..... instead, we all bonded by poking fun at Bear for leaning more towards the "not so straight" side of the heterosexual line....fun times!!!.

Anyways..... so the night ended up much better than it began.... I actually smiled!! ;-) and now have a wonderful blog to post about it all.....

The holidays SUCK.......

Okay..... so just because Barnes and Noble offers FREE gift wrap all year long.... DOESN'T mean its okay for you to come in on a BUSY Friday night with two days worth of purchases to have US giftwrap them for YOU!!! Fucking JERKS!!!!! I swear some people are only alive cuz its illegal to shoot them!!!! (but since I've never really been one for following the rules or doing shit thats legal.....Shooting them isn't completely out of the question now is it?? )

Tis the F*CKING season!!!!