After Holiday Assholes!

Okay... so I know I said I was back a few weeks ago, then never actually posted another blog... this is based solely on the fact that I LOVE to procrastinate and that nothing all that exciting happens in my life besides dealing with shitty customers at my shitty ass job! So with that being said... I have decided to blog about the morons that I deal with on a daily basis!

So as everyone knows... I work at the bookstore.... the bookstore full of complete and utter idiots!... One would assume people shopping at a bookstore would be of a higher intellect then those shopping at say.. the mall..... BUT NO!... Lets just stop for a moment and discuss signs... and how to read them.... When a sign says..."20% off Selected Items" that does not include the ENTIRE STORE.... also when a sign says... "Buy 2 DVD's and get 1 FREE" that DOES in fact include all DVD's and NOT fucking CD's!!!! and my personal favorite.... a sign that says "ENTER HERE" (with a big arrow) and one at the other end that says "PLEASE WAIT HERE." Now it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together and enter where it says enter, and wait where it says wait.... but apparently for those shopping at the bookstore the concept of a LINE is soooooooo new that they have yet to learn how to form one! and apparently that makes ME the jerk for asking them to go stand with the other morons who also couldn't read a fucking sign!!! (just because YOU couldn't read the sign... doesn't mean you get to cut the entire line!!!) GRRRRR.... okay MOVING ON...

As the holiday season is coming to a close that means everyone is tired out of being nice for an entire fucking month, and it is now time for the asshole side of them to finally peek its evil head out of hiding... I present to you... THE AFTER HOLIDAY ASSHOLES!!! Okay so as a kid everyone is taught manners... or at least thats what I thought children were taught! Apparently a month of being overly nice to others creates monsters for the rest of the year... that being January through November.... Now During the month of December MOST customers are polite and say "thank you," "Hello," "No thank's," "Yes Please," "I am sorry," and closings such as "have a "nice day' 'Merry Christmas' 'Happy Holiday' or 'Happy Chrismahanzakwanzika."

That ALL comes to an end January 1st.... and when I say "have a nice day," I get NOTHING in response... or I say "how are you?" and I get a phone number yelled in my face to look up their member card. (Note: its not a "Oh! I have your member card but I forgot to bring it" its simply "(845) 485- blah blah blah blah....) which is when I politely, in as sarcastic a way as I can, reply with.... "Oh? I'm sorry does that mean you have our member card? I'm just going to need you to wait a minute while I ring up ALL your shit, punch in about 5 codes to get me to the lookup screen and then enter your FUCKING PHONE NUMBER YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!" (okay okay... well I don't quite say it like that... but something along those lines) I just don't understand these after holiday assholes... if your life is that fucking miserable go to K-Mart or something, cuz I don't want to deal with you anymore!!

and... Im back!

I know, I know... its been about 7 months since I last blogged and ohhhh what a 7 months it has been.... I will get to that later.... anywho.... I decided to start blogging again in honor of Noelle who wins our "Fallen Kickball Hero Award" for last night when she took out her entire right ankle on the kickball (sending her to the emergency room), just to let the other team have a chance at winning the season! That's right... Team Underpants ended up in 4th place which is actually right about where we belong!!! We don't need some first place trophy to prove to the other players that we Kick ASS, all we need is to show our team spirit at the bar, with our cardinal red shirts on and our happy little faces... :-) But poor Noelle, even with a broken tibia and a crap load of morphine in her system she was still able to keep us all laughing! Just showing that we truly are the team with the closest bond and the best-est friends!! (AND...if you haven't noticed I have had a glass of wine this evening, which is more alcohol then I have had total in the last few months combined... so pardon my spelling, grammatical errors, maybe foul language, and total lack of correct punctuation)

So to catch people up on the last few months of my life.... My mother (we shall call her "fucking bitch") Decided to put our house on the market, move down to Florida with "douchebag," and live happily ever after! Which leaves me with..... NO HOME.....4 DOGS.... and not much of an income... (which is totally my problem I'll admit that, but something I thought I had some more time to deal with)... anyways... I ended up moving in with Tucker, with the pups, one of which has attacked me two times since I have been here (sending ME to the emergency room on both occasions), and his two roomates (one of which just recently moved out!) Yes! I am summing up the last 7 months in as few words as possible!

As you can see.... things have NOT been easy, which has left very little time to me to blog, but now that winter is approaching I am going to do my best to keep up with my blogging, which now that its "that time of the year," will NOT consist of happy fun filled stories of Christmas cheer and sugar plums... but will consist of horrific stories of retail during the holiday, and my first holiday season without my family and/or house... which may bring about a few bouts of depression.... but as we all know... Flick will pull through!!!

Snow Day....

Well its been over a month since I last posted a blog.... I know!!! everyone is really upset, all two of you who read these.... anyways... This week started off pretty well, the temperature was finally rising, I washed my car for the first time in about 4 months.... I was able to wear a t-shirt outside comfortably... and then.... today hit..... It has officially been snowing since about 10 this morning, and it just wont stop!!!! There is about a foot of snow out there and its still falling!!.. I am NOT looking forward to breakout out my snow pants and shovel AND winter jacket AGAIN!.... I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE snow, and I LOVE winter... But shoveling just isn't as fun as it used to be before all the back problems... Before I had 4 cars to juggle in the driveway just to be able to shovel.... Before Tucker left me for sunny Las Vegas....(speaking of which, I seriously miss him) and last but not least... Before my mom had a douchebag of a fiance stuck in the house with me!!

Well, needless to say.... I am counting down the hours until they leave for their next vacation, which is 9 long hours away, provided their flight isn't canceled due to the weather.... and if it is... I am seriously going to consider the quickest possible way to call the air force and have them specially airlifted to wherever the hell it is that they are going.... (with a ONE WAY ticket to never return home again) OOOOOHHHHH the possibilities!!!

The voice of hell......

So today is monday.... aka: my day of rest..... Well while I was sitting on the computer being a complete bum talking to the Dutchess and Fire Jay the telephone rang..... after reading on the caller ID that it was some 800 number I decided not to answer..... (once again, proving just how lazy I am) ANYWAYS.... the phone rang a few times then all of a sudden I hear it! a MANS voice on my answering machine.... Oh here we go!

Well not only was there a mans voice on my machine, but the message included made me want to SHOOT myself for having any association with my telephone number period.....

The following is word for word what you will hear if you call my house and I dont answer:

"Hey you have reached the Bernhard residence, AINT nobody home to take your call except the dogs, and they are too lazy to answer the phone, so leave a message and maybe we'll call ya back, and maybe we wont"

(Gee I wonder if he was a comedian or something in a previous life? or a mobster, cuz they are the only people I know that use the word "aint" and think its okay...)

Anyways...... first of all... thats NOT my last name, which is why our previous message left out a last name all together, and second of all... GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! How am I supposed to explain that message to my family, my friends, strangers?..... come on now!......

Well luckily they leave on Thursday for their 5th vacation of the year (and yes, I know... Its still January) which will be the day I change the message back to what it used to be..... so until then.... CALL NOTHING BUT MY CELL PHONE NUMBER!!!!!

Frustrated incorporated.....

Have you ever felt like a complete outcast before?.. yeah not fun, especially when its in your own home..... When you wake up and no one acknowledges your exsistence, no one says good morning, no one asks how your day went, it kinda starts to get to ya after a while.... Especially when this total not caring is coming from your own MOTHER!!!! I don't know really how much more faking a smile around them I can do.... its becoming trying.... and when I actually look forward to going to work, you know something isnt right.... so off to work I go!

Guitar Hero = Addiction......

Well I finally broke down and bought the new guitar hero II game for my ps2 after months of saying I wouldn't give in.... but after playing it for an entire weekend up in Albany with Tucker I was showing signs of withdrawl after being home only a few short days.... SO....with my latest addiction fulfilled, I feel like a whole new me!!!!...

But, as with everything in life... with every up, comes a few downs.... For instance: now every song I hear on the radio I evaluate as having guitar hero potential..... I pick up my real guitar thinking im going to be amazing at it now that I figured out how to move both hands independently of one another, then realize... I still SUCK!...... My typing abilities have gone down the pooper due to my hands being totally used to pushing 5 color coded buttons and not an entire alphabet worth of letters that are all over the place.... when I look down off the television screen, everything in the room pulses in this weird wavelike fashion... (very strange... I know.....) and last but not least..... I actually know now who sings the song "Psychobilly Freakout"... wtf? lol

So for all you out there reading this.... If you have a PS2... I advise you to go out, spend the $80 bucks and call me when you've beaten the game on easy.... and I will challenge you to a guitar hero duel!! Oh it's soooooo ON!!!!!!!

I have a bone to pick....

I would just like to take a brief minute to discuss this past weekend..... As you all know it is January.... and I live in New York.... and this past saturday the temperature here was 70degrees.... can we say global warming??? Well since the weather was sooo beautiful, Tucker and I spent the earlier part of Saturday hiking over at Lake Minnewaska, which was just awesome, and beautiful, and WINDY, which was still okay because even WITH the windchill the temperature was still over 60 degrees!! lol anyways.... though this past weekend was just perfect, I am still a little bitter about our total lack of winter...You see.... I'm a skiier.... and well.... I am having ski-withdrawl as we speak....... I havent even seen snow yet this year, except for a flurry or two, which in the end, was probably just pollution or something..... totally lame... Anyways, I just want mother nature to acknowledge the fact that she fucked up this year, and I am not exactly happy about it..... So as soon as possible if you wouldnt mind hitting us up with a blizzard or two that would be GREAT!
Thanks a bunch! buh bye!